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Consciousness Rising

By Author, David Robert Ord

What Does It Mean to Really CARE for Another Person? It's Different than Most of Us Think

Mar 01, 2011

Spiritual Insight from the Story of The Little Prince

We have entered a section of the story of the Little Prince that’s about learning to care for another person. It will prove to be a challenging section because it will turn some of our ideas on their head.

There’s a short little book that I read years ago but whose ideas have never left me. It’s called simply On Caring, by Milton Mayeroff. You can obtain it from somewhere like Amazon.com for around $8.80 new, or for as low as a penny used!

The fox that the Little Prince has met is teaching him what it means to care. He calls it “taming,” which means “creating ties.” It means you gradually develop a meaningful connection.

But—there’s “connection,” and there’s connection. What many of us experience is a pseudo “connection,” even in some of our closest relationships, whereby we are like Siamese twins joined at the hip.

This is emotional fusion—emotional enmeshment, like being emotionally welded to someone as if you were the same person—not authentic heart-to-heart connection as part of an ultimate oneness of everyone and everything.

Writes Milton Mayeroff in On Caring:

This feeling of the other as part of me is different from the kind of union with the other found in such parasitic relations as morbid dependence on another person or dogmatically clinging to a belief, for in both these cases I am unable to respond to it truly. When I dogmatically cling to a belief, I am so attached to it that I am unable to experience it as separate from me, and I cannot really examine the belief and find out what it means, let alone determine whether it is true or false.

Mayeroff is talking about the vast difference between being fused—welded together emotionally—with someone, in contrast to regarding the person as a reality in their own right.

If we are fused with someone—if we are emotionally like Siamese twins fused at the hip—we will be forever needy of them and seek to control the direction of the relationship. Caring has none of these negative traits.

As Mayeroff explains:

The meaning of caring I want to suggest is not to be confused with such meanings as wishing well, liking, comforting and maintaining, or simply having an interest in what happens to another.

Caring, as helping another grow and actualize himself, is a process, a way of relating to someone that involves development, in the same way that friendship can only emerge in time through mutual trust and a deepening and qualitative transformation of the relationship.

The fox is in no rush to form close ties with the Little Prince because he knows such ties have to develop organically. Connection that’s authentic can’t be forced. It has to follow a process of engagement that comes one step at a time.

Real caring isn’t just an emotional feeling for someone, but a question of getting to know them as a person in their own right—a person we then care for in the way they experience as caring, and not in a form of “caring” that’s a projection of our own needs and opinions, which is just emotional fusion instead of caring.

 

*Editor's note: Consciousness Rising appears Monday through Friday. You can go more fully into what we are discussing in Consciousness Rising each day with the author’s book Your Forgotten Self, along with the audio book Lessons in Loving—A Journey into the Heart, which explores the story of the Little Prince in its entirety. I hope you will also obtain your own copy of The Little Prince so you can truly ponder this insightful story as we proceed.

Kate123's picture

The word "unfoldment" comes to me when I consider how the Creator of the Universe reveals to me who I really am. In this revelation of learning my distinct spiritual identity from my Source, I begin to have new eyes that see through the outer appearances of others with a wonderful curiosity of what lies within their own spiritual seed.
I know that in our blending together as One with each other, we make really great recipes as one "spice" combines with another...each having it's own flavor that the other will be enhanced by.
Each person has All it will ever need for it's Life sustainance from their relationship with their Source so there are no gaps for me to fill in for them, we just enjoy the gifts of unfoldment that come as we spend time together.