Facing the developmental versus chronological challenge

One of our biggest challenges as parents is understanding who our child is on a developmental level. What this means is understanding that our children’s chronological age often does not capture who our child is on an emotional and spiritual level. We parents unconsciously hold many expectations of our children based on their chronological age and, without our realizing, get mired in frustration that translates to a low self-esteem in our children when these expectations do not get met.  The truth of the matter is that many children simply do not function at the chronological age they are “supposed” to.

As parents we all hold the desire – albeit unconsciously – to have our children fit into the mental box of “normal.” The minute our children veer off this course we panic. This in turn leads us to transmit an energy of non-acceptance and great inner turmoil. Our children pick up on this. They begin to exude a similar non-acceptance and inner conflict. The seeds for mental disorders are sewn.

The greatest gift we can bestow our children is our ability to “get” them. This means that they need to feel they are completely and totally understood and accepted by us. To do this, we need to “get” who they are at an emotional and spiritual level. We need to throw aside who they “should” be at a chronological level and instead relate to them as the beings they are on a developmental level. Understanding our children on a developmental level is not restricted to their intellectual capacities, but more so on how emotionally connected and attuned they are. 

This applies not only for the child who functions below the “norm” for his/her age, but also for the child who functions well above the “norm.” It is our ability to adjust to our children’s inner being – no matter where they fall on the spectrum of “normal” – that will enhance our ability to relate to them on a soul-to-soul level.

Our children deserve that we “get” them, that we like them for who they intrinsically are, that we admire them, and above all, that we respect them for how it is they wish to manifest their inner potential.