I worked with the survivors of the Asian Tsunami of 2004. It marked one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I will post the piece I wrote during that time soon. What I learned the most from the survivors was the human capacity for resilience. Humbled, I learned how to allow for joy despite tragedy, hope despite overwhelming devastation. 

Since that time, it seems we have been hit with one natural disaster after another. Japan's recent tsunami, the tornadoes in North America, hurricanes, earthquakes, you name it. It's as if no region is immune. Our televisions are haunted with pictures of the homeless and the bereaved. Hard enough for us adults to process, but how must this news affect our children? What can we parents do about this?

Here are some ways we can help our children process and cope when they hear about these disasters on the news:

• Expose your child to information in proportion to their developmental maturity: Yes, honest communication between parents and children is important, but even more so, is the parent's understanding of how much communication their children can handle. Parents need to gauge where their children are in terms of their emotional maturity before exposing them to information that is tragic. While we do not have to lie to our children or hide things of such magnitude from them, it is to their benefit that we titrate our responses according to what they can handle. For example, to a seven-year old, we may just let them know, "a lot of people were hurt in Haiti because the earth was moving," and to an eleven-year old, we may add in a few pictures and details. Be aware of the images on TV and calibrate how much they are exposed to. Just as over-exposing our children to sexually explicit media is over-stimulating, so is allowing them to see images of unparalleled disaster. In both cases, their ability to meaningfully process information is limited.
• Express feelings but don't overreact: Children model their parents’ emotional responses to life's circumstances. Despite such tragedies being extremely emotional to witness, it is best if parents learn to modulate their responses in front of their children. Children alarm easily when they see their parents in a state of emotional imbalance. Their own sense of safety and trust gets compromised. It is in their best interest that parents express feelings without losing one's emotional center. For example, we may say something like, "it is sad that so many people lost their homes and I really feel for them." Such a response acknowledges the tragic element without blowing it out of proportion.
• Allow the space for children to share their feelings: Although parents are encouraged to titrate their emotional responses in front of their children, allowing children to share authentic emotional reactions is key. Children need to feel safe asking questions and shedding tears. They may express their fears through nightmares or restlessness. Parents need to remember that the more children express their emotions with a trusted adult who provides a container, the less likely they will carry over negative side-effects from the incident. The more they are allowed to let their fears out in the open and be unconditionally accepted, the more secure they will feel to move forward in their lives.
• Contextualize it: Children need to know that the world is a safe place with occasional disruptions, versus adopting a belief that "bad" things happen all the time. Parents can help their children realize that "yes, sometimes life throws a curve ball that is often tragic and disturbing, but for the most part, it can be predictable and safe." While not denying life's unpredictable nature, parents can contextualize negative events within a broader picture, pointing out to children the many times life does stay stable and consistent.
• Develop empathy and mobilize action: One of the most beautiful outcomes of any tragedy in life is our capacity to reach across borders and help one another. These events can be conduits through which our children learn to have empathy. Prayers at night can include the victims of such disasters. Letters can be written to the survivors expressing love, hope, and support. Fund-raising drives can be set up in neighborhoods, allowing children to learn that they have the capacity to turn a helpless-making situation into one of positive activism, healing, and hope.
• Gratitude for the present moment: These tragedies awaken us all to the fragility of life. Let us call into consciousness the power of being alive in this moment. Children can learn to turn their attention to the plentiful in their lives and appreciate their blessings. Families can awaken from destructive patterns and use these opportunities to come together in a renewed capacity.