Ask any parent what they want for their children and they will most likely say, "I want them to be happy and good."

So how do we actually do this in the day-to-day of parenthood? How do we raise happy and good children? These are terms that are thrown around with such callousness that I often wonder if we even truly know what we mean by them.

Let me take the liberty to share my definitions of these words. For me, a "happy" child is one who knows who it is in this world and is not afraid to manifest this expression. A "good" child is one who knows what reality is and how it needs to exist in relationship with it.

I like to exemplify these qualities under the rubric of two terms: Authenticy and Containment. I refer to these qualities as the two wings of the eagle, with the belief that without one or the other, our children will fail to fly and instead flounder without a sense of who it is they should be in this world. Let us break this down further.

Authenticity implies a sense of deep connection with the inner self. Here, we allow our children to know their voice and teach them to trust who it is they are at their core. We honor their unique contribution in this world and celebrate them for their individuality. In essence, we nurture their intrinsic  right to be themselves; we teach them independence.

Containment on the other hand implies a deep connection with reality, including the will of others. Here, we teach our children to learn that they must respect the voice of others as much as they do their own. They learn that there are boundaries in this world and these must be honored and considered as sacred as one's own boundaries; we teach them interdependence.

While authenticity allows our children to be connected to their own will, containment teaches them to be connected to the will of others. Their ability to engage with their inner life and equally importantly, their outer life, takes root in their early years. It is this dance between the self and others, between the I and the Us that is at the core of all the later relationships our children will engage in.

There isn't a parent in this world who is an expert at this. Some parents teach authenticity better and others, containment. Conscious parenting doesn't mean we need to be perfect, but instead that we need to be willing to be aware of how we need to transform ourselves in order to better meet the needs of our children. Sometimes we will err on the side of allowing them too much free reign and at others, too little. This is a constant work-in-progress. There is no perfect method to how we do this, except to know that this is what we will be doing for a very long time to come!